18years…

hi pa!

kamusta po? death anniv mo na, 18years na akong walang tatay, tapos 18years mong hindi na experience magkaron ng magandang anak 😂😂😂

uhm, wala lang magka chat kami ni ate ngayon, kinamusta ko lang sya sa bahay, I know she’s dealing with things din, emotionally unstable — ano ba yan pa, lahat ata kami ganito. Mahirap–kasi kailangan mong maging strong, kasi if not, hindi ko na din alam san ako pupulutin :’)

I’ve no one here in manila, kaya madalas I want to stay late sa office, para paguwi ko ng madaling araw pagod na pagod lang ako para maka tulog agad, wala ng oras para magisip.

Wala natawa lang ako sa convo namin nakakatawa kasi yung ‘habang buhay may pag-asa’ hahaha.

sige na pa, antok na po ako eh, though dami ko sanang kwento sayo, but I know most of my stories won’t make you proud as you was with me 18years ago. Yung feeling na sobrang saya mo everytime you heard my name being called on stage, la eh, yaan mo na pa! malay mo naman, next time. 

see you when I see you po Pa. Iloveyou😘

watashi 😂😂😂

Happy April Fools daay! luhh ‘wag ka maki celebrate alam ko normal na araw lang ‘to sa’yo 😂😂😂

Well, mamaya team building namin, nakaplan na talagang hindi ako kasama, kasi nga, diba ngaaaa — so nagsabi na ako sa bahay na uuwi ako, wala din naman akong mga gamit/damit na gagamitin, hindi ko sinsabi na di ako sasama para hindi na magpilitan, ayoko ko nun. eh, till this last day, paka ingay nitong si ed, sinabi ko kasi sa kanya kasi hahanapin pa ko nun eh, inasar ako, nalaman ni bril tuloy at shau — ayan na.

nagpilitan na, sobrang decided naman ako na hindi talaga, although nag YES ako, pero ayun 2:01am kakauwi ko lang ngayon, hinatid naman ako ni bril, sinamahan pa ako kumuha ng gamit, bes, naglaba kami sa may 24hrs na laundry shop sa kanila 😂😂😂

ang effort diba? tapos pinabili ako shirts kanina, jusko po. kung hindi lang talaga sa effort nun, ayoko padin talaga, eh anung oras na ngayon tapos maaga aalis tom, 6:30 daw ang alis hahahah! bahala na, i April Fools ko kaya? eh kinukunsensya ako first and last outing nya daw kasi nga mag reresign ung si atii diba?

sabi ko nuon i never had a gay friends before, then ed and blaize came along, tapos ayan si bril 😂😂😂 baka talaga ganito mapapangasawa ko, ang cclingy! pero wala lang, nakakatuwa kasi feeling ko naman alangang alaga ako sa kanila.

bril jade

Yan yung naka leave ako last month, nasa office sya, pero nakikipag chat sakin, jusko may pag webcam pa talaga kami 😂😂😂 Naghihingalo na battery ko inaask nya pa kung kita ko baby boy nya, tinatapat nya kasi yung cam.

Ughhh! kinakabahan ako mamaya! gaano na ba talaga ako ka OK? kaya ko na ba? baka masayang pag SL ko nung all hands at pag La Union ko last week kung ang  weak ko pa din. Jusko! inubos ko na lahat mg takot ko sa La Union, sana naman gayleemae makisama ka. 😂😂😂 
sana maiwanan ako ng van.

is it bad?

11:52pm

Jeep. On my way home from office.

Nagmamadali akong umalis kasi pauwi na din ung ibang kasama ko sa office, ayoko lang makasabay sila, kasi mejj awkward, we have this silent treatment on going.

At times I still felt guilt for not talking to them like I used to, dina ako sumasabay ng lunch, ni hindi ako natayo sa pwesto ko — malapit na palang mag 1 month. Ewan ko, nag start lang naman yun nung umiwas akong mapagusapan ung certain topic, and they felt maybe na nadadamay sila sa kung anu man ung nararamdaman ako, then I stayed quiet after that — until now.

And it seems like I’m actually getting comfortable with it — with me being alone, no one to talk to, or not being the same me as I was before.

I don’t know I don’t wanna be attached to anyone, and I don’t wanna chase people na. Like if you don’t want me, or you don’t wanna talk to me anymore — I guess, that’s it. and I’m seeing my old self now. Building walls around me.

I don’t know, It feels like i want to keep it this way, but I felt bad kasi I love them, but I don’t want to remember things the way it used to be — bahala na, I’ll try to make up with them eventually, sana hindi sila magtanim ng galit sakin but for now, I just want to be unattached to the people who knew what I’ve been through.I just want to forget routines.

where unspoken words are written