d r a i n e d .

If happiness is a choice, then why it isn’t part of my options?

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It hurts when you have been slapped with the truth, that those cuts that he left me haven’t healed yet. But instead of hurt, i feel scared.

I used to say that i will keep the love in my heart burning but you know what? I don’t know what it feels like anymore, what it looks like or how it can be expressed.

I can’t trust anyone. I don’t believe anyone. I don’t want to be vulnerable, I don’t want to be dependent, weak, fragile again. I don’t want to be the old me.

But no one seems to notice that, and it’s fine.

We survived 2017, we’ll conquer 2018

I don’t want to end this day without looking back on what happened on my 2017–

Hindi ko na babalikan para mag emote, but simply to say thank you that I was able to survived that year. Last 2016 sabi ko 2017 will be my year, there were heartaches and pains pero sabi ko I won’t let those experiences makes me a bitter person, but instead, I will keep the love burning. I did, I chose to love and to believe, but only to make my heart left broken, over and over.

I was in deep pain, uncertainties and doubts filled my heart, there were moments that I thought that giving up on myself was the only way to make me feel better, baka somehow dying was the only way that I can finally say, ‘I felt peace’

I’ve made actions to cover up the pain, things that I thought would make me feel better about myself, about the situation but then again, not only those actions didn’t helped me — but wrecked me instead.

Sobrang binasag ako nung mga ginawa ko to the point na hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang dapat kong gawin, I was feeling helpless, alone, scared, angry, worthless.

But then, I know that even though i’ve made mistakes on my past, God would be able to use the broken pieces of me for His glory, I’m not hundred percent okay now, but I know and i trust God that He’s about to do something good out of my situation.

forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead — Philippians 3:13

I may not be able to forget everything but I will use them for me not to take the same path again and that this time the journey I’lm about to take would be different because I’ll be walking it now with the Lord.

For everyone who make it to 2018, I’m so proud of you! We survived 2017 and with the help of our Lord I know we’ll conquer 2018!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! We’re gonna have a great year ahead, I know! ❀️❀️❀️

where unspoken words are written —