08.04.14

kanina ko pa gustong mag post, pero wala ako maisip na maipost na picture ..
haha! oo – dapat may picture talaga ..

nag picture kami ng kasama ko sa room ngayon pero nabura eh tinamad na ako, nakailang shots din para maayos ang pagmumuka ko, ehh wag na hahaha hindi para sakin ang gabing ito :D

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yan nalang, screenshot ng home screen ko ngayon, picture taken by kuya yves, nung outing namin sa bulacan ng mga ka bootcamp ko..

di ko alam na kinunan nya pala ako that time, nakasandal ako sa may parang roof na mushroom style habang nagpipicturan sila ..

malayo daw kasi tingin ko na parang may malalim na iniisip..
yeah, may iniisip talaga ako nyan — iniisip ko paguwi ba namin sa kanya kanya naming bahay back to normal na naman ulit ang lahat, matatapos na ba ang lahat ng saya sa swimming na ‘to? ganern! hahahah

wala lang ayoko mag reminisce. nahahaya ako kay yoghurt -.-
sa totoo lang ? mas nanaisin kong matulog na kesa mag emote. ahaha!

sakit na ulo ko. ktnxnyt.

the victory is won

I was feeling sad yesterday, I’ve deactivated my facebook account for like 3-4weeks ago, simply because I can’t stand seeing a particular person being happy without me ..
contrary on my previous posts saying “that if we really love someone, we have to be happy for that persons happiness even if that includes us or not”

Hindi na ako magpapakaplastic para sabihin na I’m totally moved on, na hindi na ako affected, na hindi ko na sya namimiss, na hindi ko sya naiisip, where in fact — I do.

so, yun nga kahapon ng umaga nag open ako ng fb, browse lang, watched some videos and read some shared articles, check out some friends account and his account –

bungad palang, sakit much na hahaha! cover photo nya parin kasi ang picture ng ex nya, na ewan kung sila na ulit kasi gusto nyang balikan :’)

tapos, nakita ko umalis sila kasama ng mga ka team nya sa office, nag punta sila Sta.Maria para maki fiesta and I can see that he is happy..
I don’t know .. I’m feeling guilty na nasasaktan ako kasi masaya sya, na feeling ko ang okay okay nya .. di ko nga alam kung naapektuhan ba sya sakin, kasi after ng nangyari he wanted to win her ex back.. hahahah naiiyak naman ako while typing this

we’ll anyway, after browsing pictures, I deactivated my account again and pretend that everything’s alright..
naligo, lumabas na kami ni ate, kumain, nag shop and nag church ..

and here’s one of the song lyrics that we sang

“There’s no sin too great,
There’s no pain too deep,
The cross declares it is done.

There’s no shame too real,
That His love won’t heal,
Forever the victory is won.”

gustong gusto kong damahin sana na nalulungkot ako, na mag emote, na iblog lahat ng sakit but then para ko ng sinabi na hindi kaya ng Diyos kong pagalingin ang anu mang sakit na nararamdaman ko..

so while singing that song, I prayed hard to release me from this kind of pain, and claimed that there is no pain to deep that He can’t heal, may it be physical, emotional, financial, spiritual pain LAHAT kayang soĺusyunan yan ni Jesus.

.. yung feeling after? ang gaan lang knowing that there is a big God fighting over our battles and all we have to do is to place our faith and trust in Him because the Victory is won.

ermegherd! is it August already? seriously?

owemgee!!! ang gusto ko sanang sabihin ‘ang bilis ng panahon’ pero twing bibilangin ko pa ang buwan na natitira para matapos ang bond ko, nalulungkot ako hahaha!

madami ako kwento .. like super dami haha
last time nag open ako ng reader, ang daming unread posts! na overwhelmed naman ako, d ako nkakapagbasa ng posts ng aking kapwa :S

sooo.. mag catch up ako ng readings later :)

ohh! look at that . .

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I was moved by olaf’s character ..

nasasaktan sya, yes — but still he can act like nothings wrong and chooses to be happy instead

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and he believes that loving means sacrificing.

I’m not saying that if you are to love a person, all you have to do is to sacrifice yourself in order to lose your own happiness — NOPE.

but I’m not also saying that loving should be conditional, where in fact God told us and showed us what TRUE LOVE is and that is loving unconditionally, beyond their imperfections, regardless of their shortcomings.

but what I’m trying to say is that, sacrificing in terms of letting that person go, to be happy, and to grow even if that means being apart from you.

Kung mahal mo naman talaga yung tao, hindi ibig sabihin nun “magsasakripisyo ako kahit pangalawa nalang ako, kahit kabit mo, o kaya kahit kelan mo lang ako mapansin, mag aantay ako..”

NO! — that’s not even close to love.

it must be a cliché to say “that if you love someone you have to set them free, and blah blah blah”
kabisado mo na yan, ilang lyrics narin ng kanta ang meron nyan, but still — it’s true.

and that’s what sacrificing means, because loving doesn’t give us the license to own a person

sabi nga sa isang kanta ng MYMP
loving is not owning, you should let it go ..

Kung sasaya ba sya ng wala ka sa buhay nya, so be it
kung magiging okay ba sya na hindi ikaw ang kasama nya, then let that person go ..

wag mong ikadena, wag mong sakalin.
ang ibon kapag sinasakal, maaring mamatay ..
pero sasabihin nila, pag msyadong maluwag nakakawala ..
pero bakit ba naman ang mga kalapati (dove)
hindi sila naka kulong, hindi sila nakatali ..
pero kahit umalis sila, alam nila kung san sila babalik, alam nila ang bahay nila, dahil may nagpaamo na sa kanila :)

(naalala ko ito bigla munti kong prinsipe)

just atleast be strong

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

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kailangan mong maging strong eh, kasi wala ka namang aasahang iba kundi sarili mo rin lang..

ikaw lang naman nakaka alam ng sitwasyon at tunay na nararamdaman mo eh, ikaw lang may kontrol sa sarili mo ..
ikaw lang ang may kakayahang mamili ng direksyon na tatahakin mo, dahil kahit anong pilit ng ibang tao kung ikaw mismo ay nag reresist, wala pa rin silang magagawa ..

so, yes — be strong, that’s the least thing you can do for yourself, hindi ka bidang artista, kaya wag mong antaying bugbog sarado na at api apihan kana bago mo piliing bumangon :)

get up, cheer up! :)

I’ve changed. a lot.

after posting my recent post I should have known better nagbackread ako ng mga post ko ..

and I noticed that, i’ve changed a lot. ang laki ng pinagbago ko since I got a new job here in manila..

parang nuon ang gaan ng buhay ko, the way I told stories on my posts, the way I handled my life .. though rocky din naman yun (about my relationship) pero alam mo yun ? sa work .. sa bahay na uuwi ako kay mama na kakain ako ng madami ..
and yeah! un pa ang napansin ko, madami ako kumain nuon, pero ngayon ? unless pinapakain ako ni bff, pero parang dna ako nagkaka-kain ngayon .. and that makes me sad :'(

ngayon parang ang dami kong bigat sa puso?
hahahaha wala lang, nakakamiss maging ‘AKO’ ..
yung normal na ako, masayahin naman ako eh
gutumin din ako hahahaha
anyare na ??

wala lang .. parang gusto ko na bumalik sa laguna, kasabay ng gusto ko bumalik sa dating ako.
(less ofcourse the complicated part of my relationship) hihi

ayoko ng relasyon! l$%@^@*£ !!
whahahaha.
nope.

I should have known better

.. if you leave me tonight I’ll wake up alone
don’t tell me I can make it on my own,
don’t leave me tonight
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight

hahahah tinayp ko yung title, tapos automatic yan ung nag play na kanta sa isip ko ..

stay close, don’t go :))

kailangan bang sabihin to ?
I believe sometimes not all things are worth the fight, baka naman kasi yung gusto mong ipaglaban eh kusang loob ng sumama sa iba
or in the first place ‘ginusto ba nyang ipaglaban mo sya?’

ask yourself,  are in you in a position to fight for it? baka naman kasi wala at never ka nagkaron ng rights to do such things..

learn to let go, the more loads you carry the harder it is for you to step forward ..
mabigat nga kasi diba? so pano ka makakausad nyan?
don’t be afraid to drop off things na nagiging pabigat nalang sayo ..

magbabakasyon ka, dala mo sa maleta mo puro bato, tanga kaba ?
unless construction worker ka at kailangan mo yun, hahaha

I mean, am I making a sense here ? you’re aiming for a brighter future,  greener pasture, happier life, pero ang dala dala mo puro sama ng loob, grudges,  hate, lahat ng frustrations and disappointments mo, what’s the sense of leaving? eh dala dala mo parin yung mga bagay na gusto mo na ‘sanang’ kalimutan.

don’t settle for the least,  when you can have the best
don’t choose to be sad, when you have all the reasons to be happy
don’t waste your time reminiscing about your past, rather start thinking what you can become on your future

always, just always be a better version of yourself.
be wiser.
be happier.
be more patient and kind.
be stronger.
be the best YOU can be!

#notetoself